On a fearless quest for world domination..!

The Lone Star State

2009-10-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

Megatron: After a week being stuck inside of our.... Transportaion with Starscream, we finally arrived at our next destination.

Starscream: It wasn't all puppies and rainbows being stuck with you either, oh glorious leader.

Megatron: ...... Anyway, after we go unpacked at our current residence, our hostess showed us to our fellow...... Roommates, as she lovingly put it.

Starscream: At least there were more Decepticons this time.

Megatron: But they were all doing this ridiculous dance....

Megatron: My other selves blantantly warned us about the hostess and said we should follow her orders and do the dance.

Starscream: But the fearless leader of the Decepticons refused and got threatened by all of 24 of the other residents. So we were forced to join them....

Megatron: After a grueling day of humilliation, we were taken out of the house and taken to the local Academy.

Starscream: I thought I were through with this place!

Megatron: Once there we took the "Speech" class over and taught them a few things.

Starscream: I'm posotive we converted the class to Decepticons!

Megatron: After that we went out for lunch.

Starscream: So, what is next on our agenda?

Megatron: The hostess says she has some sort of party planned for us.....

Sand and Surf

2009-09-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

Megatron: Nefarious plans of world domination take time and quite a bit of energy. On our last day in Florida, Starscream began insisting that we take a day off from pillaging and destruction to visit more of the local features.

Starscream: “Sooo…can we go to SeaWorld?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “How about DisneyWorld?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Then Universal Studios?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Islands of Adventure?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Kennedy Space Center?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Blue Springs?”

Megatron: “No.”

*30 minutes later*

Megatron: “You think I would PAY to visit any of these places?! The first step towards the humans’ destruction is to lay waste to their economy! Admission prices stimulate cash flow! I refuse to turn over my credits to a bunch of fleshlings!”

Starscream: “…You’re broke, aren’t you?”

Megatron: Several hours (and one boot-to-the-cranial-unit) later, we had convinced the resident Autobot to transport us to the beach.

Megatron: Another sign nearby declared Daytona Beach as "The World's Most Famous Beach." This bridge lead right over the highway to the Speedway, where I once used the Transfixatron against the Autobots during one of their worthless charity races...the Stunticons may find some entertainment there, so I won't destroy it just yet.

Megatron: Since the front entrance was under construction, this was as close as we could approuch the Speedway, after crossing the bridge.

Megatron: A quick jump over the causeway to an adjacent pennisula...

Megatron: ...and we finally arrived at the beach!

Megatron: We were told that we had arrived at a good time; tourist season was over, and during the weekday morning, most of the local residents were at their workplaces. We had this section of the beach mostly to ourselves, and, considering how much I despise picking human parts out of my toes, was fine with me. But instead of human parts...

Starscream: "Sand! Seashells! Everywhere! Yeech! *shakes his arms and legs* It's in my ball bearings! I'm going to crunch when I move!"

Megatron: "Then sit down and relax! You wanted to enjoy the local features, well, now you get to do so!"

Starscream: "This is insanity! If I had wanted to be this dusty, I would be clinging to the hindquarters of a comet! I think a sand flea just crawled up my aft! That's it! I'm going to go wash this off! *storms off towards the surf*"

Megatron: "Starscream, be careful that you don't get caught in a..."

Starscream: *SPLASH!*

Megatron: "...rip current."

Starscream: "AAAUGH!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!! HEEEEELP!!"

Megatron: "Wonderful. My second-in-command is incompetant, rebellious, greedy, and he sinks like a stone in water. *facepalm*"

Lifeguard: "I got you! *hauls Starscream out of the ocean*"

Starscream: "*pant* *wheeze* Uuugh...rescued by a human...this is so embarrassing..."

Megatron: "But perfect for blackmail! Say 'Hoff'! *holds up camera*"

Lifeguard: "Hoooooff! *shiny-teeth grin*"

Starscream: I don't understand the human obsessions with these sorts of males. Enraged by the mockery of being rescued by one, I attempted to eliminate him, but was thrown across the beach as soon as I raised my null-ray. Clearly the human's strength is some sort of derivative from the war-paint on his nose.

Megatron: For those with poor eyesight, the sign, read vertically, says "No Vehicles Beyond This Point." Although cars are allowed to drive on this beach for $5, they are restricted to the packed-sand lanes, and cannot move very quickly. I was quickly able to get to the boardwalk from this staircase. Starscream, however, was stopped by several more lifeguards and had to explain that a jet plane didn't qualify as a "vehicle."

Starscream: "Oh, look! THERE'S the warning sign for rip currents! Not anywhere near the ocean, but on the boardwalk!"

Megatron: "You do realize that you're supposed to read it as you enter the beach, correct?"

Starscream: "*mutters something*"

Megatron: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Nearly every human we found was sprawled out across the sand, but were not injured, dead or sleeping. Eventually we found out that the humans can change the color of their out layers by roasting themselves in the radiation of the closest star. Naturally, Starscream wanted to try this for himself, and he somehow convinced me to do so as well. Although relaxing, neither of us changed color. Starscream argued that his shoulders had gotten sunburned...I was quick to remind him that his shoulders have always been red anyway.

Human: "...Hey! You're getting sand in your joints!"

Starscream: "So? What's it to you?"

Human: "You'll need to wash off before you leave the beach!"

Megatron: "GAAA!! My instruction manual says I can only be lightly rinsed! LIGHTLY rinsed! Release me at once, human!"

Starscream: "I'm drowning again! HEEEEELP!!...Sweet Primus, not the lifeguard again! DON'T HELP!! DON'T HELP!!"

Backburn: "Alright, you two ready to head back?"

Starscream: "...Yes. Can we just call this area conquered and move on?"

Megatron: "For once, Starscream, I like your plan. Autobot, take us home."

Backburn: "WHOA, whoa whoa. You guys are covered in sand and water!"

Starscream: "...You're point?"

Backburn: "I'm not letting you on my seat covers!"

Megatron: "Then what do you propose we do!?"

Backburn: "Sit on a towel! That's what my human always does!"

Starscream: "We didn't bring a towel!"

Backburn: "*evil smirk* That's alright..."

Starscream: "...This is HUMILIATING."

Megatron: "Quiet. We'll be back in our traveling box soon enough."

In The Land of Endless Summer

2009-08-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Megatron: After flying by plane, Astrotrain, falling stars, jet-packs, and a disgruntled pelican, we finally arrived at our next location in what the humans call “paradise” or "Florida". I call it a deathtrap-home of ferocious beasts, prehistoric wildlife, and monstrous aquatics which dwell beneath the ocean’s surface…this would be a perfect location for another Decepticon base!

Starscream: But we realized that those accursed Autobots had already claimed a residence somewhere along the beach. Only four mechs were defending it, though. Dragging our first-class transportation unit along (Megatron REFUSED to leave behind a carrier that came equipped with separate bathrooms, bedrooms, satellite dish and a bar), we burst into their base and demanded for control of it to be relinquished to the mighty Decepticons!

Megatron: "Bluestreak! Sideswipe! Powerglide! You are no match for Starscream and I! Bow down to me, pledge your allegiance to the Decepticons, and I might just spare your lives!"

Sideswipe: "…Powerglide, give me your gun."

Powerglide: "What? But you already have a gun!"

Sideswipe: "I WANT THE BIG GUN."

Starscream: We left them to their shelf shortly afterwards. However, we did manage to convert the alarm clock to a Decepticon....

Megatron: But we did not return to our transportation unit. One Autobot was still missing, and, according to a communications update from Soundwave, he was not a canon character, and thus, unable to transform. Finding his signal outside of the Autobot base, we attempted to capture him.

Starscream: "Autobot! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Backburn: "...I'm right here, idiot."

Megatron: ...We quickly realized our mistake.

Starscream: "But-but-but...you're not canon! You can't exist in this reality!"

Backburn: "OH REALLY?!"

Starscream: After a bit of, uh...vigerous exercise, Backburn decided that we were not a threat, and agreed to allow us to tour around his home; the incompetant fool believes that once we grow bored, we will quietly leave!

Megatron: We were told that our stop in Florida would not be complete without visiting the nearest water-mass. So, after an exchange of words with the Autobot (mostly consisting of "fragged-up-son-of-a-glitch", "aft-face", and "dipstick-up-the-exhaust-pipe"), he agreed to drive us there.

Megatron: "Onward, to the ocean!"

Starscream: "Why do I have to steer??"

Megatron: As soon as wee pulled up to the water's edge, we spotted a pelican dive-bombing into the water, like a Seeker with stalled-out engines.

Starscream: Hey!

Megatron: The bird did not catch whatever prey he had been hunting, but took off to the sky shortly aftewards with an entire squadron of other pelicans. Starscream and I sat on the rocks and enjoyed the view, until he realized...

Starscram: "Wait a minute! There are TREES on the other side of this ocean! This isn't an ocean at all! Autobot, where have you taken us?!"

Backburn: *scoffs* The lagoon. There's no time to go to the ocean right now. We'll do that another day.

Megatron: "Not enough time?! What could possibly stop two of the universe's most powerful Decepticons from going to the beach?!"

Thunder: *ba-BOOM*

Megatron: ...We returned to our cozy transportation unit a few minutes later. When the weather clears up, we will return to conquer the beach!

2009-08-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

Megatron: For some reason, Starscream thought I would be interested in converting these vehicles into soldiers. I can't imagine why. Anything this much like an Autobot, and this lightly armed is useless to me. You would think that after nine MILLION years he would know what would make a good Decepticon. Honestly, I despair of him sometimes.

Starscream: So then I suggested, strongly, that he consider something like THIS.

Or maybe THESE. Although they seem somewhat untrustworthy.

But all he wanted was some kind of super-weapon. I told him that a universal remote wasn't going to be a good idea. Oh well, he'll learn.

I'll wait here for the explosion.

2009-08-17T17:42:00.000-07:00

Starscream: While Megatron napped following our arrival, I struck out in search of some suitable sources of energon. This place was interesting, but the energon had an unfortunately fishy flavor. I didn't think Megatron would care for it, so I was forced to finish it all.

Megatron: Our unfortunately low-class means of travel had severely drained our energy, and so we were forced to spend quite a while in "movie watching stasis mode" while we made further plans.

Starscream: I was also able to escape the abominable company of Megatron for a short while while securing a more suitable passage for his further travel. For some reason, he just doesn't trust me to fly him. Suspicious old tyrant.

Megatron: Our impending plans were interrupted by an urgent and unwelcome summons from some presumptious fellow in outer-space. A short fusion-cannoning later, and we were back on the original intention for our mission, world domination.

A Change of Venue

2009-04-15T17:55:00.001-07:00

Megatron: After finally emerging from the stasis coma forced upon us by our narrow escape from those accursed Primes, Starscream suggested that we travel to our next destination in a less obtrusive manner. I agreed. I must have been still groggy from the coma.

Starscream: Upon emerging from our stealth delivery capsule, I was delighted to note that we had arrived in precisely the location I had planned. Another flawless plan, brilliantly executed by Starscream. I pointed this out to Megatron, but he was unimpressed.

Megatron: I had made the rational decision to vaporize Starscream and go on my way, but the pathetic fool pleaded for mercy and started babbling about "tactical superiority" and "totally worth it". Curse my curiosity, but I allowed him to live, for now.

Starscream: As I explained to that thickheaded dolt, the destination's value was definitely worth the slight inconvenience of our means of arrival. If only he could ever learn to be patient. *sigh* The things I put up with for the Decepticon cause. He'll see, though. They'll ALL see.

Things go wrong.

2009-01-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

Megatron:
So, we arrived in Philadelphia several months ago, but Starscream's usual incompetence somehow managed to damage the camera-

Starscream:
IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I'm telling you, the baggage attendant must have dropped something!

Megatron:
Starscream, you WERE the baggage attendant. In fact, YOU were the PLANE! Anyway, things didn't much improve once we got the camera fixed.

Megatron:
I can't believe that these pitiful organics have built a shrine to this useless hunk of metal. It doesn't even operate properly, let alone transform!

Starscream:
I don't know, oh mighty Megatron, a few throw pillows, some curtains, and it might be suitable to put somewhere in your throne room.

Megatron:
... you've been drinking destabilized Enegron again, haven't you, Starscream?

Starscream:
Maybe a little.

Megatron:
But that shall not stop us... for we shall use this as the starting point from which we shall conquer this city!

????:
If only it were that easy, Megatron.

Megatron:
WHO DARES?

Human Slagpit:
Ya see, your plan is all well and good, but for the fact that you were looking at a hologram. Welcome to SLF Enterprises, Megsy, and might I introduce you to my Optimus Prime Chorus?

Vast collection of Primes:
NOT SO FAST, MEGATRON!

Megatron:
NOOOOOOOOOO! DECEPTICONS! RETREAT!

Starscream:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can't stand up to a single little human, Megatron? And you call yourself Decepticon leader!

Human Slagpit:
Ok, guys, we drove off Megatron, now let's show Starscream how we play Seeker Pinata!

Starscream:
On second thought, GOTTA GO! MIGHTY MEGATRON, WAIT FOR ME!

In Ol' Virginny

2008-11-20T06:45:00.000-08:00

MEGATRON:
The human Nagi took us on her final trip of the year to Virginia. We learned of another temporal rift that would take us back to the Colonial days. So we traveled to Williamsburg to find this temporal rift and conquer early Virginia.

STARSCREAM:
Here we are at the gateway to the temporal rift. Apparently humans have turned these temporal rifts into tourist attractions. Then again, humans are easier to entertain than we sophisticated Cybertronians. A simple ball and stick can entertain these creatures for an entire season.

MEGATRON:
As we travel the path to the old town, I cannot help but wonder at the other humans travelling to see this sight. Mayhaps I can apply this to Cybertron, create little temporal rifts that lead back to the former golden age. It is something to consider...

STARSCREAM:
Megatron stands before the Governor's Palace. I think he's decided to claim this as his thrown of power. I think he's just going to blow it all to frell when he gets bored with it...

MEGATRON:
This is the Magazine and Guardhouse. While it is rather primitive and ineffectual against our kind, it's still a good idea to size up our competition. Can never be too careful when it comes to ammunition.

STARSCREAM:
Sometimes I thank PRIMUS we awoke in the time period we did. I can barely believe that this vehicle drawn by organic equines were the most viable form of transportation! Ugh... just the smell alone would have me out...

MEGATRON:
This early world was certainly a different place than what it is today. Not a Starbucks in sight! This is unacceptable! When I take over, I will have my frappacinos!

STARSCREAM:
And here is the Capitol building. Ah, politics, where would the Decepticon Empire be without it?

STARSCREAM:
Thankfully, by posing as tax collectors we were able to gain back our travel budget so now we are capable of resuming our conquest of the United States!

MEGATRON:
And with the conquest of Virginia, we big the flesh creature Nagi adieu as we journey to Pennsylvania and begin the next phase of our plan. Mwa ha ha ha... This state won't know what hit it!

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

2008-11-03T02:51:00.001-08:00

MEGATRON:
The flesh creature, Nagi took us to the city of Las Vegas. A city of Avarice and Sin, the perfect environment for Decepticon regime! Unfortunately we had to contend with the flesh creature's pet Autobots Tracks, Red Alert, and Smokescreen. No matter the city of sin will call me master!

STARSCREAM:
I can't believe Megatron had the gall to make me ride with the luggage! We arrived at the Excalibur, the base of operations we would be sharing. Megatron was rather pleased that we were staying in a castle. He said something about it suiting his role as master and king of all he surveys.

MEGATRON:
While I took part in the libations provided AMPLY by the hotel's room service. I ordered Starscream to investigate the local scenery. There is going to be a lot of ground to cover. I can tell.

STARSCREAM:
We stopped for refueling at this place called Margaritaville. Not a bad location and it seemed to hold a special significance to Red Alert...

MEGATRON:
I just remembered that I trusted Starscream with our travel budget. Oh well, I'm sure the money is in safe hands. It's not as if he's stupid enough to be taken in by the glitz and sparkling slot machines. Not MY second in command.

STARSCREAM:
What happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas. That goes for the travel money I lost to the one armed bandits. Anyways, Red Alert INSISTED we dress up if he follow him to the Jimmy Buffett concert. I don't see why he worships that human so...

MEGATRON:
Starscream seemed rather eager to go out and explore Vegas again today. In fact he's been rather eager to stay away from me. I'll have to look into that later. Today he investigated the Luxor.

STARSCREAM:
So far I think that Megatron has yet to suspect my bungling of our funds. I hope to keep it that way... Today we stayed in a cabana outside by the pool. A rather pleasant peaceful day to relax in the hot desert sun.

MEGATRON:
I soundly trounced Starscream for squandering away our money. The fool needs to learn his place... So to relax, I've decided to investigate the Mandaly Bay casino with Red Alert.

MEGATRON:
I'm satisfied that we have successfully conquered this strange city and added it to our list of conquests. This well traveled flesh creature has even spoke of traveling to Virginia. Another state I can subjugate to my will!

MEGATRON:
As we say good bye to this strangely wonderful town, I can't help but enjoy this adventure. Taking over states one at a time, while grossly inefficient, allows me a rare opportunity to study humans in their natural environment. I can only hope Virginia offers me a similar challenge as Las Vegas did.

A Renaissance Affaire

2008-10-23T01:21:00.000-07:00

MEGATRON:
Although it was HYSTERICAL that SkyLynx now has Starscream convinced that the Jersey Devil is real, we still have to keep our processors on task. Namely; World Domination. I've heard the flesh-creature talk of a place in Pennsylvania where Time and Space have ruptured and inside the rupture is medieval England. How fortuitous! We can travel back in time and conquer most of the known world in it's infancy! We passed by Philadelphia on our way to to the time rupture. Hmm, I wonder if Starscream would bounce if I shoved him out the window...

STARSCREAM:
We paused on our journey to pay homage to one who has already conquered much of the free world; Starbucks. I feel an affinity for this company and Megatron is simply addicted to their Pumpkin Spice Lattes... Hmm, perhaps I can use that later...

MEGATRON:
We have safely entered the time rupture and are now in a small corner of old England. First stop was for munitions. You can't properly conquer and inspire terror without something that goes BOOM. I found this old cason to be rather amusing, especially when it terrified some Tartans right out of their kilts!

STARSCREAM:
I'm beginning to NOT like this period of time. We toured a local dungeon, and even though this picture came out rather dark, be glad of it. You do NOT want to see the atrocities humans inflicted upon each other. Mayhaps it's that red stuff that comes out of them but it all just seems so... FRIGHTENING. I hope Megatron doesn't adopt these brutal practices...

MEGATRON:
I never thought I'd see the day when humans actually provide something useful, other than energon. These devices are PERFECT for the Decepticon regime. It's EXACTLY what I need to keep these buffoons in line! I do hope they take Visa.
((Sorry about the pics, I was in a hurry.))

STARSCREAM:
I just got a cold shiver down my spinal column relays... No matter, already Megatron was busy choosing locations for our energon generators. He certainly does not waste time, now does he.

MEGATRON:
What a comely young flesh-creature! Sorry m'lay but I'm afraid I'm not attracted to your kind. However, one I take over, I'll glad have you as one of my personal buff and polishers.

MEGATRON:
This strange flesh creature claimed to be the beggar king of England. Dethroning this human was a piece of oil cake! Well medieval England, consider yourself conquered. For now Starscream and I are off to Las Vegas to take Sin City!

Running With The (Jersey) Devil

2008-10-19T01:14:00.000-07:00

(( Read this comic to get part of the story: http://nagi-oki.deviantart.com/art/SB-Tall-Tales-100979879 ))

Megatron:
Tonight the Autobots were sitting down around a campfire telling human apparition stories. The blue fop, Tracks, told a particularly interesting one about a denizen of the state known as the Jersey Devil. It's complete and utter nonsense, however...I DO see possibilities... ENTERTAINING possibilities... Mwa ha ha ha ha!

Starscream:
Thanks to that blue idiot, Megatron now is CONVINCED there is a monster lurking in the woods! Now he has ME out here scouring the vicinity looking for any signs that this creature exists.

Starscream:
Ok, I've been searching for a mega cycle now, still no sign of this supposed Jersey Devil. Megatron must have spilled some coffee in his circuits to think that such a legend is real! Still, the Autobots swear by it and refuse to leave the house after dark...

Starscream:
THREE MEGACYCLES now and STILL no sign of this monster! But the wood are so dark and vast. It would be impossible for me to search them all. Maybe there is-- GAH! No! I'm NOT thinking about it, I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT IT!

Starscream:
Alright, the sun is setting, it's getting dark, I'm cold, I'm in need of fuel, and the squirrels are giving me dirty looks. I'm giving up the search as fruitless. I'm not going to stay out here all night looking for a monster that obviously does NOT exist!

Megatron:
It was sometime past midnight when we were awoken from recharge by some strange sounds coming from INSIDE the house. It is probably just one of the felines lurking about, but just for fun, I sent out Starscream to investigate the disturbance. He's so snappy when he doesn't get his beauty recharge...

Starscream:
STUPID MEGATRON! Waking me up in the middle of the night to investigate some mystery noise! Oh Primus forbid our fearless leader goes out to see what the threat is himself! Still... the house is strangely quiet at night... so still... even the cats are asleep... But I'm not afraid in the dark, I'm very brave in the dark, I'm AMAZING in the dark I--

Starscream:
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Decepticons Have Landed

2008-10-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

Megatron:
We have FINALLY landed in the United States of America, in one of the smaller states known as New Jersey. Good thing too, because if Starscream asked me "Are we there yet?" one more time, I would have booted him into the Atlantic. The flesh-creature we are staying with is a rather strange one... The less said about that, the better.

Starscream:
We finally arrived, and much to our delight, there was already an established colony of Decepticons here! At first we thought they had anticipated our arrival and had secured us a base to start our hostile take over. Unfortunately, this was NOT the case. They merely are ALLOWED to live here, like tenants in an apartment. Although it WAS rather humorous to watch Megatron flip out on the leader of this colony, Shrapnel.

Megatron:
OF ALL THE IDIOTIC NONSENSE!
Not only are these Decepticons LAZY, UNMOTIVATED, OBNOXIOUS, AND IRRESPONSIBLE! Shrapnel is ineffective as a leader! None the less, I decided to take control of the colony. The apathetic morons had no interest in taking on the neighboring Autobot colony. So I decided to take them on myself...
I... had not reckoned with the uh... well...

Starscream:
I have not been able to stop laughing since Megatron decided to take on the Autobots. Skywarp told me the Decepticons are out numbered 4 to 1 here. THAT'S why they don't fight the Autobots. Common sense. Something Megatron LACKS severely. So while our GLORIOUS LEADER was enjoying a rather delightful beating. I decided to make my alliances. There was a rather handsome devil in charge of the "Brigade", a HANDSOME group of seekers that have broken off from the main group of Decepticons. I'm particularly drawn to the leader, he is so dashing, intelligent, and mighty... I think I'm falling in love!

Megatron:
After I managed to convince Ultra Magnus and Prowl I was joking about obliterating them off the face of the planet (For the moment at least). I decided to start off a little smaller. There's also an ostracized colony of Transformers here. I decided to throw my weight onto them. But... taking one look at those... those malformed machines... I-I just couldn't find it in my spark to do it. I may be a cold war machine but... those horrid faces must be hard enough on them... So I gave them a verbal threat and shot at the one I ASSUMED was Bumblebee.

Megatron:
I have not seen Starscream for a while, no doubt he is finding allies in any other Starscreams around here. I'm not worried about that, I'm more concerned about the three furry creatures roaming around this base. So far I have managed to tame one of the beasts, making it my noble steed. I'll have more to report as we take the state of New Jersey!

Our Travels with the 'Hoff*

2008-09-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

Megatron
Flying in from the south, we arrived at our next destination to find that police car Autobot helping the apparently resident flesh creature repot and tether some large plants to a patio railing. There was some kind of giant Hair Demon present - probably some rejected Beast Wars character, it didn't even transform into anything. We relaxed on the patio and mocked the Autobot for slaving for the miserable Earth germ.
Starscream
After the plants were locked up, Megatron was trying to pry information about who else might be lurking around out of the cop bot, laaaaame! I could have done it sooo much better. So instead I snatched the keys - they'll make great blackmail material if Prowl doesn't want to get in trouble with his slavemaster! Ha ha ha!
Megatron
Unfortunately, and as usual, things did not go well for Starscream. I only regret that I was laughing too hard to get in a few shots with my fusion cannon while they were both occupied.Starscream
Well, it was getting pretty hot outside, so we moved inside the human dwelling to check out the local scene. "Mighty" Megatron looked pretty disappointed to find Optimus Prime in residence. Ha! I wasn't afraid. Even when he showed us what would happen to us if we misbehaved.

Megatron
Seeing that our original destination was Autoscum-ridden, we struck out in search of an even better base of operations. One that, when conquered for out purposes, would strike fear in the very energon-pumps of our enemies! So, we hopped on a commercial flight. While rustling around in the food box provided for the disgusting humans, I discovered a startling fact: The NHL season starts in Prague?!?!? Yet another reason to descend upon the Czech Republic. Mwa ha ha ha ha!!! Excellent!

Starscream
Stupid human aircraft. So slow and pathetic. Even Astrotrain is a better ride than this. Guh. Least it could do is drop 100 feet and scare the squishies.

(and I'm *sure* Megatron won't mind me showing you THIS pic, hehehehhehe)

Megatron
Arriving in Prague, myself and Starscream traversed the city. It was found to be mostly suitable. Lack of geothermal vents was disturbing. But it will be very satisfying to force the unwitting human occupants to submit to Decepticon rule. Mwa ha ha ha ha!! Excellent...there are so many potential slaves, I mean, tourists....

There was also evidence that there might be a weapons cache which we could freely plunder. This large, unfortunately non-transforming, tank should be of use to us. I feel a strange sense of nostalgia as I stand on it. ((I promise Megs is in that photo, just look really closely...)

Starscream
I grow impatient with Megatron's pathetic "reconnaisance" of the city. We should strike now!! Instead I have to stand by this fountain, pretending not to know him as he embarasses himself by standing on that stupid human tank. At least the water is interesting. Listening to it kinda makes me feel like I need an oil change, though.

Ugh! Not another fountain! So much running water...and do we have to pose so ridiculously, Megatron?! When I'm leader, no Decepticon will have to do such demeaning things...

Megatron
Having finished my plan for the overthrow of the city, we say goodbye to Prague and Leeds, and continue our journey elsewhere - beginning with "crossing the pond." Excellent. Mwa ha ha ha!!!

((* -hoff is part of my last name, its all legit XD))

The Conquest Continues!

2008-09-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

Megatron: Upon our arrival in Lowestoft, England we secured a temporary base of operations and then proceeded to subjugate the denizens of this location. Some of them were more willing to accept Decepticon rule than others but after some... persuasion... the general consensus was favourable to the new regime.

That was until Starscream had to try and usurp power from me yet again. Unbeknownst to me, he had managed to garner the support of a small number.

Starscream: All had been going according to plan and my rendezvous with some of my brethren had gone well. Before long we had Megatron in our sights and I would soon take my rightful place as leader of the Decepticons.

Megatron: As usual, Starscream had overestimated his advantage over me. If there is anything I have learned in all my vorns of having to deal with him it is this...

If you can beat one Starscream you can beat any Starscream from any universe.

Megatron: After Starscream had recovered from his recent bout of stupidity, we decided that it might be a good idea to see exactly what humans do for entertainment. We are, after all, on vacation. Holding a human at cannon point, we forced her to transport us to a place called a pub where we partook of the traditional pint of lager.

Starscream: While we finished our drink, we observed a group of the hairless apes play a game called darts. Leave it to the fleshlings to devise such a game where they become inebriated and then throw sharp projectiles at a small target. In the spirit of the evening, however, I decided to “have a throw” as they say at a much more tempting target.

Megatron: Unfortunately Starscream’s intolerance to drink got the better of him and forced me to teach him yet another lesson. Will he never learn?

On our last day in Lowestoft we went to the coast to investigate the claims that there was a source of energy there. As we explored the area, we stumbled upon an odd marker.

Starscream: Why do humans feel the need to memorialize trivial things? So this is the most eastern point in Britain. I am somewhat underwhelmed by it. One thing, however did grab both mine and Megatron’s attention.

Megatron: As we looked up we spied a wind turbine. Apparently the locals have named it “Gulliver”. The earth germs do have rather odd customs at times.

Now with the eastern side of England a Decepticon stronghold and also with the ability to keep my army fuelled, Starscream and I are now on our way to the north of the country to conquer all that lay before us!

Megatron and Starscream's first takeover

2008-08-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

Megatron:

After leaving London, we made our journey East and headed to a city known as Rochester. During our expedition however, I had to put up with the constant irritation of Starscream's incompetence and his whiny voice making regular remarks about certain things.

"It's too cold."
"I need a break."
"I'm running low on energy and need to refuel"
"Why are you ignoring me, Megatron?"

These are just the few of the pathetic comments he was saying through out the trip. I swear he just likes the sound of his own voice and finds any excuse to keep talking. He recieved my fist in his face a couple of times and we eventually got to our destination.

I personally scouted out for our temporary base to make sure that no Autobots were going to disrupt anything I had planned for this city. The area was much different then our previous stop and I chose to set up base in a secluded forest so we were hidden from the view of any humans that may try to be foolish enough and get in our way.

Starscream:

When we were arriving at our new location, Megatron wouldn't shut up about his plans. My ideas were much better than his and I could of easily taken over this primitive city all by myself.

Megatron insisted that I stay put while he checked out the area. I wanted to take a look around as well so, dispite Megatron's request, I went off and did my own thing. I came across a rather nice mass of water and thought I might as well relax while I didn't have Megatron glaring at me. I tried a type of sport that the humans do, since I was bored and no one was around to see me. I sat down and did abit of fishing. Though the fish I caught were hardly worth my troubles but I had some peaceful time to myself to think about my next move of taking over as leader of the Decepticons.

Megatron:

When we had settled down and got used to our new location it was time to put my plan into action and take over this city once and for all. For my battle plan, I was lucky enough to have assistance from a much loyal seeker. No, not from Starscream, but an F-16 that seemed to know the layout of the place quite well which I found to be very useful. Starscream didn't find the new recruit to be that likable, but I'm guessing that he was most probably jealous of the new seeker's abilities and that I found him far more useful than Starscream himself.

Starscream:

I didn't like the new seeker, he was just far too loyal to Megatron. There was no way I could get him to help me overthrow our current leader. He even had the bolts to go ahead and tell Megatron that I was scheming to push our 'oh so glorious' leader into the Medway River. That's when the fusion cannon soon followed after and struck me in my left intake.

Megatron:

My plan went down flawlessly. I succeeded in conquering this puny city and made it into Decepticon territory. Starscream, for once in his whole function, didn't complain afterwards. He took a liking to the castle and stayed there for a while, which was a good thing since he was away from me and I didn't have to spend much time with him. I'm glad we will be leaving here victorious, though I have to go get Starscream away from playing "King of the castle". His CPU is full of such nonsense, makes me wonder how I even put up with him. I am interested in traveling to our next location and to see what events await us there.

That night we enjoyed the sight of the stars and thought about which one of them could be Cybertron.

Starscream's Adventure

2008-08-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

I, Starscream, future leader of the mighty Decepticon army decided to venture out alone into the city of London. My aims were to explore the humans' transportation systems to look for weaknesses and generally enjoy the sights of the city.

I had no idea that pigeons were quite so large.

It turns out that the British humans have developed rather intricate underground systems in tubes to transport themselves around. We do not have such things on Cybertron, for our alt modes cater for us when we need to travel long distances.

Humans are very strange creatures indeed. The maps of the "Underground" or "Tube", as the tea-drinkers call it, are very complicated and I suspect that they needn't be so. (Just for the record, the burger-eaters call it the "Subway".)

For example, I do not see why so many different coloured lines are required when most of them cross over anyway. The dark blue and light blue lines go to very similar locations. Why could they not just have one line instead of two?

Oh well, I suppose their logic is merely inferior to ours.

After an extremely long, boring journey on the "Tube", full of fleshies reading newspapers and other such nonsense, I finally got to travel on the "Overground". (I know, the fleshies are very creative, aren't they?)

But before I discuss that, I would just like to say this.

To every fleshie who listens to music while riding the "Underground": I do not need to hear your audio-splitting rubbish. Please turn it the frag down. Just because the train is loud, doesn't mean you must turn your iPod contraption up to full volume so that I can hear it too! Primus, the next fleshie I see with audio devices stuck in their ears will have their iPod shoved down their oxygen-breathing throat until they choke and die or are miraculously electrocuted! I know that this would make Soundwave very happy. He is quite bitter about these "iPods". Perhaps I should experiment on turning Frenzy into one...

Also, why must the fleshies insist on handing me these "free newspapers"? They are full of trivial slag! I will read a real newspaper if I want to know what is going on on this Primus-forsaken planet. Not that I would anyway because it's stupid! Stupid I say!

Ahem.

Anyway, as I was saying, I travelled on the "Overground" train to a location outside the main city. The scenery was rather delightful, I must admit. This planet does have some merits, even if it is populated by idiots.

I am rather looking forward to my journey now, even though Megatron shall be travelling with me. Apparently I cannot be trusted alone.

Then again, while his back is turned, I may finally get my chance!