The Lone Star State

Megatron: After a week being stuck inside of our.... Transportaion with Starscream, we finally arrived at our next destination.

Starscream: It wasn't all puppies and rainbows being stuck with you either, oh glorious leader.

Megatron: ...... Anyway, after we go unpacked at our current residence, our hostess showed us to our fellow...... Roommates, as she lovingly put it.

Starscream: At least there were more Decepticons this time.

Megatron: But they were all doing this ridiculous dance....


Megatron: My other selves blantantly warned us about the hostess and said we should follow her orders and do the dance.

Starscream: But the fearless leader of the Decepticons refused and got threatened by all of 24 of the other residents. So we were forced to join them....


Megatron: After a grueling day of humilliation, we were taken out of the house and taken to the local Academy.

Starscream: I thought I were through with this place!

Megatron: Once there we took the "Speech" class over and taught them a few things.

Starscream: I'm posotive we converted the class to Decepticons!


Megatron: After that we went out for lunch.


Starscream: So, what is next on our agenda?

Megatron: The hostess says she has some sort of party planned for us.....

Sand and Surf

Megatron: Nefarious plans of world domination take time and quite a bit of energy. On our last day in Florida, Starscream began insisting that we take a day off from pillaging and destruction to visit more of the local features.

Starscream: “Sooo…can we go to SeaWorld?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “How about DisneyWorld?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Then Universal Studios?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Islands of Adventure?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Kennedy Space Center?”

Megatron: “No.”

Starscream: “Blue Springs?”

Megatron: “No.”

*30 minutes later*

Megatron: “You think I would PAY to visit any of these places?! The first step towards the humans’ destruction is to lay waste to their economy! Admission prices stimulate cash flow! I refuse to turn over my credits to a bunch of fleshlings!”

Starscream: “…You’re broke, aren’t you?”

Megatron: Several hours (and one boot-to-the-cranial-unit) later, we had convinced the resident Autobot to transport us to the beach.



Megatron: Another sign nearby declared Daytona Beach as "The World's Most Famous Beach." This bridge lead right over the highway to the Speedway, where I once used the Transfixatron against the Autobots during one of their worthless charity races...the Stunticons may find some entertainment there, so I won't destroy it just yet.





Megatron: Since the front entrance was under construction, this was as close as we could approuch the Speedway, after crossing the bridge.



Megatron: A quick jump over the causeway to an adjacent pennisula...



Megatron: ...and we finally arrived at the beach!



Megatron: We were told that we had arrived at a good time; tourist season was over, and during the weekday morning, most of the local residents were at their workplaces. We had this section of the beach mostly to ourselves, and, considering how much I despise picking human parts out of my toes, was fine with me. But instead of human parts...

Starscream: "Sand! Seashells! Everywhere! Yeech! *shakes his arms and legs* It's in my ball bearings! I'm going to crunch when I move!"

Megatron: "Then sit down and relax! You wanted to enjoy the local features, well, now you get to do so!"

Starscream: "This is insanity! If I had wanted to be this dusty, I would be clinging to the hindquarters of a comet! I think a sand flea just crawled up my aft! That's it! I'm going to go wash this off! *storms off towards the surf*"

Megatron: "Starscream, be careful that you don't get caught in a..."

Starscream: *SPLASH!*

Megatron: "...rip current."



Starscream: "AAAUGH!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!! HEEEEELP!!"

Megatron: "Wonderful. My second-in-command is incompetant, rebellious, greedy, and he sinks like a stone in water. *facepalm*"

Lifeguard: "I got you! *hauls Starscream out of the ocean*"



Starscream: "*pant* *wheeze* Uuugh...rescued by a human...this is so embarrassing..."

Megatron: "But perfect for blackmail! Say 'Hoff'! *holds up camera*"

Lifeguard: "Hoooooff! *shiny-teeth grin*"

Starscream: I don't understand the human obsessions with these sorts of males. Enraged by the mockery of being rescued by one, I attempted to eliminate him, but was thrown across the beach as soon as I raised my null-ray. Clearly the human's strength is some sort of derivative from the war-paint on his nose.



Megatron: For those with poor eyesight, the sign, read vertically, says "No Vehicles Beyond This Point." Although cars are allowed to drive on this beach for $5, they are restricted to the packed-sand lanes, and cannot move very quickly. I was quickly able to get to the boardwalk from this staircase. Starscream, however, was stopped by several more lifeguards and had to explain that a jet plane didn't qualify as a "vehicle."



Starscream: "Oh, look! THERE'S the warning sign for rip currents! Not anywhere near the ocean, but on the boardwalk!"

Megatron: "You do realize that you're supposed to read it as you enter the beach, correct?"

Starscream: "*mutters something*"



Megatron: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Nearly every human we found was sprawled out across the sand, but were not injured, dead or sleeping. Eventually we found out that the humans can change the color of their out layers by roasting themselves in the radiation of the closest star. Naturally, Starscream wanted to try this for himself, and he somehow convinced me to do so as well. Although relaxing, neither of us changed color. Starscream argued that his shoulders had gotten sunburned...I was quick to remind him that his shoulders have always been red anyway.

Human: "...Hey! You're getting sand in your joints!"

Starscream: "So? What's it to you?"

Human: "You'll need to wash off before you leave the beach!"



Megatron: "GAAA!! My instruction manual says I can only be lightly rinsed! LIGHTLY rinsed! Release me at once, human!"

Starscream: "I'm drowning again! HEEEEELP!!...Sweet Primus, not the lifeguard again! DON'T HELP!! DON'T HELP!!"



Backburn: "Alright, you two ready to head back?"

Starscream: "...Yes. Can we just call this area conquered and move on?"

Megatron: "For once, Starscream, I like your plan. Autobot, take us home."

Backburn: "WHOA, whoa whoa. You guys are covered in sand and water!"

Starscream: "...You're point?"

Backburn: "I'm not letting you on my seat covers!"

Megatron: "Then what do you propose we do!?"

Backburn: "Sit on a towel! That's what my human always does!"

Starscream: "We didn't bring a towel!"

Backburn: "*evil smirk* That's alright..."



Starscream: "...This is HUMILIATING."

Megatron: "Quiet. We'll be back in our traveling box soon enough."

In The Land of Endless Summer

Megatron: After flying by plane, Astrotrain, falling stars, jet-packs, and a disgruntled pelican, we finally arrived at our next location in what the humans call “paradise” or "Florida". I call it a deathtrap-home of ferocious beasts, prehistoric wildlife, and monstrous aquatics which dwell beneath the ocean’s surface…this would be a perfect location for another Decepticon base!

Starscream: But we realized that those accursed Autobots had already claimed a residence somewhere along the beach. Only four mechs were defending it, though. Dragging our first-class transportation unit along (Megatron REFUSED to leave behind a carrier that came equipped with separate bathrooms, bedrooms, satellite dish and a bar), we burst into their base and demanded for control of it to be relinquished to the mighty Decepticons!



Megatron: "Bluestreak! Sideswipe! Powerglide! You are no match for Starscream and I! Bow down to me, pledge your allegiance to the Decepticons, and I might just spare your lives!"

Sideswipe: "…Powerglide, give me your gun."

Powerglide: "What? But you already have a gun!"

Sideswipe: "I WANT THE BIG GUN."



Starscream: We left them to their shelf shortly afterwards. However, we did manage to convert the alarm clock to a Decepticon....

Megatron: But we did not return to our transportation unit. One Autobot was still missing, and, according to a communications update from Soundwave, he was not a canon character, and thus, unable to transform. Finding his signal outside of the Autobot base, we attempted to capture him.

Starscream: "Autobot! Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Backburn: "...I'm right here, idiot."



Megatron: ...We quickly realized our mistake.

Starscream: "But-but-but...you're not canon! You can't exist in this reality!"

Backburn: "OH REALLY?!"



Starscream: After a bit of, uh...vigerous exercise, Backburn decided that we were not a threat, and agreed to allow us to tour around his home; the incompetant fool believes that once we grow bored, we will quietly leave!

Megatron: We were told that our stop in Florida would not be complete without visiting the nearest water-mass. So, after an exchange of words with the Autobot (mostly consisting of "fragged-up-son-of-a-glitch", "aft-face", and "dipstick-up-the-exhaust-pipe"), he agreed to drive us there.



Megatron: "Onward, to the ocean!"

Starscream: "Why do I have to steer??"



Megatron: As soon as wee pulled up to the water's edge, we spotted a pelican dive-bombing into the water, like a Seeker with stalled-out engines.

Starscream: Hey!

Megatron: The bird did not catch whatever prey he had been hunting, but took off to the sky shortly aftewards with an entire squadron of other pelicans. Starscream and I sat on the rocks and enjoyed the view, until he realized...

Starscram: "Wait a minute! There are TREES on the other side of this ocean! This isn't an ocean at all! Autobot, where have you taken us?!"

Backburn: *scoffs* The lagoon. There's no time to go to the ocean right now. We'll do that another day.

Megatron: "Not enough time?! What could possibly stop two of the universe's most powerful Decepticons from going to the beach?!"

Thunder: *ba-BOOM*

Megatron: ...We returned to our cozy transportation unit a few minutes later. When the weather clears up, we will return to conquer the beach!

Megatron: For some reason, Starscream thought I would be interested in converting these vehicles into soldiers. I can't imagine why. Anything this much like an Autobot, and this lightly armed is useless to me. You would think that after nine MILLION years he would know what would make a good Decepticon. Honestly, I despair of him sometimes.


Starscream: So then I suggested, strongly, that he consider something like THIS.

Or maybe THESE. Although they seem somewhat untrustworthy.

But all he wanted was some kind of super-weapon. I told him that a universal remote wasn't going to be a good idea. Oh well, he'll learn.

I'll wait here for the explosion.

Starscream: While Megatron napped following our arrival, I struck out in search of some suitable sources of energon. This place was interesting, but the energon had an unfortunately fishy flavor. I didn't think Megatron would care for it, so I was forced to finish it all.

Megatron: Our unfortunately low-class means of travel had severely drained our energy, and so we were forced to spend quite a while in "movie watching stasis mode" while we made further plans.

Starscream: I was also able to escape the abominable company of Megatron for a short while while securing a more suitable passage for his further travel. For some reason, he just doesn't trust me to fly him. Suspicious old tyrant.

Megatron: Our impending plans were interrupted by an urgent and unwelcome summons from some presumptious fellow in outer-space. A short fusion-cannoning later, and we were back on the original intention for our mission, world domination.

A Change of Venue

Megatron: After finally emerging from the stasis coma forced upon us by our narrow escape from those accursed Primes, Starscream suggested that we travel to our next destination in a less obtrusive manner. I agreed. I must have been still groggy from the coma.


Starscream: Upon emerging from our stealth delivery capsule, I was delighted to note that we had arrived in precisely the location I had planned. Another flawless plan, brilliantly executed by Starscream. I pointed this out to Megatron, but he was unimpressed.


Megatron: I had made the rational decision to vaporize Starscream and go on my way, but the pathetic fool pleaded for mercy and started babbling about "tactical superiority" and "totally worth it". Curse my curiosity, but I allowed him to live, for now.


Starscream: As I explained to that thickheaded dolt, the destination's value was definitely worth the slight inconvenience of our means of arrival. If only he could ever learn to be patient. *sigh* The things I put up with for the Decepticon cause. He'll see, though. They'll ALL see.

Things go wrong.

Megatron:
So, we arrived in Philadelphia several months ago, but Starscream's usual incompetence somehow managed to damage the camera-

Starscream:
IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I'm telling you, the baggage attendant must have dropped something!

Megatron:
Starscream, you WERE the baggage attendant. In fact, YOU were the PLANE! Anyway, things didn't much improve once we got the camera fixed.



Megatron:
I can't believe that these pitiful organics have built a shrine to this useless hunk of metal. It doesn't even operate properly, let alone transform!



Starscream:
I don't know, oh mighty Megatron, a few throw pillows, some curtains, and it might be suitable to put somewhere in your throne room.

Megatron:
... you've been drinking destabilized Enegron again, haven't you, Starscream?

Starscream:
Maybe a little.

Megatron:
But that shall not stop us... for we shall use this as the starting point from which we shall conquer this city!

????:
If only it were that easy, Megatron.

Megatron:
WHO DARES?



Human Slagpit:
Ya see, your plan is all well and good, but for the fact that you were looking at a hologram. Welcome to SLF Enterprises, Megsy, and might I introduce you to my Optimus Prime Chorus?

Vast collection of Primes:
NOT SO FAST, MEGATRON!

Megatron:
NOOOOOOOOOO! DECEPTICONS! RETREAT!

Starscream:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Can't stand up to a single little human, Megatron? And you call yourself Decepticon leader!

Human Slagpit:
Ok, guys, we drove off Megatron, now let's show Starscream how we play Seeker Pinata!

Starscream:
On second thought, GOTTA GO! MIGHTY MEGATRON, WAIT FOR ME!