Our Travels with the 'Hoff*

Megatron
Flying in from the south, we arrived at our next destination to find that police car Autobot helping the apparently resident flesh creature repot and tether some large plants to a patio railing. There was some kind of giant Hair Demon present - probably some rejected Beast Wars character, it didn't even transform into anything. We relaxed on the patio and mocked the Autobot for slaving for the miserable Earth germ.
Starscream
After the plants were locked up, Megatron was trying to pry information about who else might be lurking around out of the cop bot, laaaaame! I could have done it sooo much better. So instead I snatched the keys - they'll make great blackmail material if Prowl doesn't want to get in trouble with his slavemaster! Ha ha ha!
Megatron
Unfortunately, and as usual, things did not go well for Starscream. I only regret that I was laughing too hard to get in a few shots with my fusion cannon while they were both occupied.Starscream
Well, it was getting pretty hot outside, so we moved inside the human dwelling to check out the local scene. "Mighty" Megatron looked pretty disappointed to find Optimus Prime in residence. Ha! I wasn't afraid. Even when he showed us what would happen to us if we misbehaved.

Megatron
Seeing that our original destination was Autoscum-ridden, we struck out in search of an even better base of operations. One that, when conquered for out purposes, would strike fear in the very energon-pumps of our enemies! So, we hopped on a commercial flight. While rustling around in the food box provided for the disgusting humans, I discovered a startling fact: The NHL season starts in Prague?!?!? Yet another reason to descend upon the Czech Republic. Mwa ha ha ha ha!!! Excellent!


Starscream
Stupid human aircraft. So slow and pathetic. Even Astrotrain is a better ride than this. Guh. Least it could do is drop 100 feet and scare the squishies.

(and I'm *sure* Megatron won't mind me showing you THIS pic, hehehehhehe)

Megatron
Arriving in Prague, myself and Starscream traversed the city. It was found to be mostly suitable. Lack of geothermal vents was disturbing. But it will be very satisfying to force the unwitting human occupants to submit to Decepticon rule. Mwa ha ha ha ha!! Excellent...there are so many potential slaves, I mean, tourists....

There was also evidence that there might be a weapons cache which we could freely plunder. This large, unfortunately non-transforming, tank should be of use to us. I feel a strange sense of nostalgia as I stand on it. ((I promise Megs is in that photo, just look really closely...)


Starscream
I grow impatient with Megatron's pathetic "reconnaisance" of the city. We should strike now!! Instead I have to stand by this fountain, pretending not to know him as he embarasses himself by standing on that stupid human tank. At least the water is interesting. Listening to it kinda makes me feel like I need an oil change, though.

Ugh! Not another fountain! So much running water...and do we have to pose so ridiculously, Megatron?! When I'm leader, no Decepticon will have to do such demeaning things...


Megatron
Having finished my plan for the overthrow of the city, we say goodbye to Prague and Leeds, and continue our journey elsewhere - beginning with "crossing the pond." Excellent. Mwa ha ha ha!!!

((* -hoff is part of my last name, its all legit XD))

The Conquest Continues!

Megatron: Upon our arrival in Lowestoft, England we secured a temporary base of operations and then proceeded to subjugate the denizens of this location. Some of them were more willing to accept Decepticon rule than others but after some... persuasion... the general consensus was favourable to the new regime.

That was until Starscream had to try and usurp power from me yet again. Unbeknownst to me, he had managed to garner the support of a small number.

Starscream: All had been going according to plan and my rendezvous with some of my brethren had gone well. Before long we had Megatron in our sights and I would soon take my rightful place as leader of the Decepticons.

Megatron: As usual, Starscream had overestimated his advantage over me. If there is anything I have learned in all my vorns of having to deal with him it is this...

If you can beat one Starscream you can beat any Starscream from any universe.

Megatron: After Starscream had recovered from his recent bout of stupidity, we decided that it might be a good idea to see exactly what humans do for entertainment. We are, after all, on vacation. Holding a human at cannon point, we forced her to transport us to a place called a pub where we partook of the traditional pint of lager.

Starscream: While we finished our drink, we observed a group of the hairless apes play a game called darts. Leave it to the fleshlings to devise such a game where they become inebriated and then throw sharp projectiles at a small target. In the spirit of the evening, however, I decided to “have a throw” as they say at a much more tempting target.

Megatron: Unfortunately Starscream’s intolerance to drink got the better of him and forced me to teach him yet another lesson. Will he never learn?

On our last day in Lowestoft we went to the coast to investigate the claims that there was a source of energy there. As we explored the area, we stumbled upon an odd marker.

Starscream: Why do humans feel the need to memorialize trivial things? So this is the most eastern point in Britain. I am somewhat underwhelmed by it. One thing, however did grab both mine and Megatron’s attention.

Megatron: As we looked up we spied a wind turbine. Apparently the locals have named it “Gulliver”. The earth germs do have rather odd customs at times.

Now with the eastern side of England a Decepticon stronghold and also with the ability to keep my army fuelled, Starscream and I are now on our way to the north of the country to conquer all that lay before us!